A deadly emotion.

An angry energy
a surge of force inside me.
I want to scream,
yell,
throw something.
My mind cannot consentrate on anything.
I feel emotion flow through me.
Angry thoughts filling my head to overflowing.
I can't think of anything else.
Anger controls me.
It won't let go.
It will consume me
and I can't do anything about it.
I am a helpless pettle
caught in a strong breeze.
I have nothing to do but let it carry me
hoping it will weaken.
I feel my mind start to be distracted,
I'm starting lose my anger.
And then itall comes back.
So hard,
forceful.
I cannot remain calm.
I cannot control myself.
I kill.

Camp

I am going to camp this week. I have been going for 3 days so far and I have 2 days left! I have to get up early though, so that kinda puts a damper on things, and it keeps thundering during pool time so we can't go swimming which TOTALLY stinks! But besides that, it's pretty good. My friend and I are Assistant Counselors! We can boss kids around if we want, but I'd rather not. . .usually. There is this one boy who REALLY gets on my nerves, his name is Will and his mom is our group's Counselor, so I have to be nice. Since I'm a Bahá'i, I try to be nice to all the kids, I was annoying like that once too, but it's so hard. What really helps is the thought that they look up to us. I mean, this one girl, Virginia, she started crying during Gym because she didn't think there was anything to do and since she is like, 4, she is really sinsitive so I found her something to do and she was laughing in seconds and it felt so good to have cheered her up even though I was bored out of my mind because there really ISN'T much to do at Gym that I'm interested in. I ended up just making sure my group all had stuff to do. It was really gratifying. Tomarrow I am going to try to be more patient with them, they are just little kids. I can't say I'll ever like our Counselor, though. She is SO bossy and she thinks we can't do anything either because we're not 18 yet, or because she can't do anything herself. I don't know. But maybe I should judge her. I will pray for my entire group tonight and hope things are better in the morning.

The Desperate Struggle

If my life has to be honored,
then why do I die day after day?If my questions are not answered,
then who says I will not fly away?
I want to die,
to get away from this wretched place!
What muscle will I not apply,
To turn my death into a quick pace?
God has seen my tiring struggle for death,
Every time I try to drown,
He makes me come up for breath.
He hates my attempted flight to my hometown.
What muscle will I not apply,To create my own death?
There are some people who would say,
that I am incapable of suicide,
but I'll convey,
That I have dyed.
What muscle will I not apply,
To make my body decay?
I am in need of a knife,
but my kitchen has none 'cause He took them,
God and I have a strife,
to Hell, I will be condemned.
What muscle will I not apply,To turn into a mere image of a soul?
I tried to trick God today,
but He is smarter than I thought,
He said that I would never decay.
I lied about what I sought.
I told Him I wanted a knife,
but to cut bread.
He said that he knew everything in my life.
What muscle will I not apply,To take my being away from this dread?
I am starting to go crazy,
this is taking too long.
My suicidal thoughts are going hazy,
I try hard to be strong,
to keep from forgetting those simply sweet thoughts.
What muscle will I not apply,
to make my veins collide with those poisonous shots.
I have finally won,
it is over.
I am done,
I took off my armor,
and then I got shot.
God thinks it is a bummer,
He is distraught,
I am not.
What muscle did I not apply,
To finally die?

My hamster

This is my hamster, Jessie. I wanted to share her with you. Isn't she adorable? She chews more than I could ever imagine and it gets on my nerves sometimes, but I sleep in a different room to avoid being woken up by her chew on the metal bars of her cage.

Imortal Call

People can travel the worlds.
All dimensions intertwined.
Can you hear it?The sounds of heaven?Angels singing.
Sounds like seven.
The sounds of music.
Instruments of heaven.
Can you hear it?
Love fills each strum and blow.
Can you hear it?
High and low?
Are you chosen?
Questions of mere mortals, I
Sing along each lullaby.
Sing with me if mortals sing.
And I will give you each wing.
Fly towards me,
towards the sky.
Cleans your soul,
use my heaven-made bowl.
Holy water rains upon you,
suffer not, more than is due.

I have killed the Farmer's wife

I have killed the farmer's wife, if you don't believe me, ask the all-knowing God. He took my soul from me as punishment, but I think it was worth it. My life had become unbearable, but now there is a change of pace, death is unbearable. My ghost has imaginary friends and an imaginary world so that I may escape this never-ending hell. I have a split personality, what can I say to make you not hide in the corner when I appear? The only one of my personalities you should be afraid of is the one that killed the farmer's wife, the others are simply tired of awareness. I have killed the farmer's wife, is that so bad? Amy made me, she is the murderer of my personalities. Amy makes sure I have revenge on the world.